Does the male desire for sex trigger you? Make you squirm, angry, uncomfortable, frustrated, confused? Even full of rage? Esther Perel says, “it’s not that women don’t like sex, they just don’t like the sex they’re having.” I concur.
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marriage
Today I'm talking about SEX. What makes it good? Great? Best you've ever had?
We live in a culture that sells a lot of sex, but has zero clue about what makes it amazing. Toys, youth, and all manner of circus acts are believed to increase sexual satisfaction--and yet--those who depend on Cosmo's "tips and tricks" for a better life in the bedroom will inevitably be thirsty for more and be chronically dissatisfied. Techniques, props, and positions are mechanical and ultimately make people feel used and objectified (i.e. not sexy). Cosmo's way is McDonald's (thanks @jimgaffigan for the cultural critique).
The greatest sex of your life will require all of you to show up.
Great sex is an issue of integrity. If you want it, you have to own and integrate your desires, your senses, your sexiness, your heart and then share it with your partner. You aren't allowed to blame your partner for not reading your mind.
There's a scene in National Lampoon's Vacation where Chevy Chase ends up naked in the pool with Christie Brinkley. Naturally, his wife is angry with him. But the real reason she's angry with him is because she wanted to be the one having fun with him. (Ultimately, her owning her desire to go skinny dipping too, saves the day and their marriage).
The betrayal is so much more than sexual: it's that neither of them were honest and true with each other.
If both people keep showing up in the fullness of their desires, the bliss will be never-ending and will only increase with time. If you allow it, sex can be the vehicle through which each of you continues to grow in all areas of your life.
In all of nature, the female of the species requires her mate to compete for her, to work for her, to show off for her—and then she coolly chooses the male who most suits her fancy and her delight....
Betsy Prioleau, says,” [seductresses] strike terror into the insecure male heart…yet paradoxically seductresses are often the best thing to happen to a man. Contrary to fable, they’re usually femme vitales who put air in a man’s tank, conferring growth, creativity, happiness, and authentic masculinity” (Seductresses: Women Who Ravished the World and their Lost Art of Love, p. 2). When a man courageously faces his fears of engulfment and embraces the seductress, he will discover his own kingship, warrior, lover and sage within himself.
I became more beautiful as I began to honor the truth of who I was. As I settled into the tenderness of my grief, the fierceness of my rage, the excitement of my hope, the audacity of my courage, and the preciousness of my love, my heart could more clearly be seen by those around me--and hearts--both yours and mine--are INHERENTLY beautiful and magnetic.